Growing scrutiny over Ben Carson’s claims to have been 3rd man on the moon, defeated SPECTRE
DES MOINES, Iowa–Ben Carson’s presidential campaign came under further scrutiny today as fact-checkers questioned several additional elements of his biography.
“We’ve looked at the plans of the Apollo 11 spacecraft, and we’re now starting to seriously wonder whether there was even room for a fourth person to ‘hide away where the other guys couldn’t see me,’ as Carson claims,” said NASA spokesman Bill Rawlings. “We’re not totally ruling it out, but it’s kind of a stretch.”
In another blow, co-producers of the James Bond franchise Barbara Broccoli and Michael Wilson released a statement that “we have no evidence of Carson’s involvement in Bond’s ongoing battle against the supernational crime organization SPECTRE.” Broccoli went on to note that SPECTRE is a fictional organization, and that “watching all the movies again, we still haven’t seen Carson fighting side-by-side with Sean Connery, not even in the outtakes.”
The Carson campaign released a detailed point-by-point rebuttal, noting that many of the people raising troubling questions about Carson’s veracity are “poopyheads” and that many of them “are probably big liars themselves.” A spokesman went on to ask “what’s more important to you in a candidate–experience and veracity, or being really rude to the president at a prayer breakfast?”
At press time, the NFL was reviewing footage of Super Bowl XXI to determine whether Giants quarterback Phil Simms actually left at halftime and was replaced by a mystery man whose face was never quite visible on camera.